Again, on paper, Bill Gothard's Principle of Responsibility sounds good. He states that it is recognizing that I am responsible to God for my thoughts, words and deeds and that I should strive to maintain a clear conscience. As stated, this appears quite noble, but there are much deeper ramifications to this "non-optional principle" that border on, if not completely cross into emotional abuse.
It is very easy to agree with this concept when you live in a society where no-one wants to be the responsible party for anything in their lives. Where passing the buck is behavior that is modeled for us from the highest levels to the lowest.
The reality was that we were taught very differently from the high-minded ideals of the Basic Seminar Textbook. We weren't taught that personal responsibility should be taken for the good as well as the bad. If we tried to take responsibility for the good results in our lives, then we were demonstrating the sin of Pride, because only God can give us good things and he ONLY did it to bring glory to himself. A good outcome was NEVER the natural result of a good decision, but the only way a bad thing could happen was for there to be some moral failure on my part, and usually that moral failure had something to do with being out from under authority.
I spent my entire youth believing(as I had been taught) that if a young man experienced lust for a young lady, then it was because she hadn't dressed appropriately, or she had moved in a provocative manner, or had looked at him with "come hither" eyes, or she was simply out from under her father's "umbrella of protection" and therefore compromised and impure. That his lust had absolutely nothing to do with the hormonal fluctuations of puberty or that he had any responsibility in the matter.
Of course, this principle, like authority, tied into all the others. If you didn't accept God's design, you needed to clear your conscience,,,If you didn't agree with a parent or other leader, the same thing. If you didn't keep your commitments...debt was taught to be an evidence of moral failure therefore if you had debt of any kind, you needed to clear your conscience. It was the same if you did the right thing at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. The Institute created a sub-culture where every thought, word, and deed was wrong if your ONLY MOTIVATIONS were not to 1)please the Lord, or 2) stay under authority.
Every motive was second guessed by all and guilt reigned supreme under the guise of maintaining a clear conscience.
I have been away from the above lifestyle for almost 20 years and am still being negatively affected by this mindset. The worry that I have done something to offend someone else is ever present, though not as pervasive as it once was. I still carry the burden of blaming myself for others actions and for "negative" circumstances. It has taken me many years to understand that I am not responsible for someone else's negative reaction. Although I can help to direct their reaction, it is ultimately their responsibility how they react to stimulus. It has also taken me many years to learn that someone will always be offended regardless of what you do/say or how you do or say it.
Although I have learned some parts of this lesson elsewhere, the Institute did instill in me a profound sense of responsibility for my own behavior. My past may have been molded by my decision making skills, but I am responsible for my motives, my words, my thoughts and my actions. both good and not so good. Life has taught me that every action brings a result and every result brings about a lesson.
It is not impossible to own triumphs without excessive pride, and owning them builds confidence and the desire to push forward. Owning your mistakes can be just as valuable and as positive as your triumphs, for each mistake tells you one more way not to reach your goals and marks one more path as a dead end. While it is important to realize the part you play in another persons choice, and determine whether you need to change your behaviour... their choices, actions and reactions are THEIR responsibility.
Because of the Institute I learned to bear responsiblity for my actions. It wasn't until I was out of the clutches of the organization (in fact, it wasn't until recently) that I saw that I was in fact taking more than my share of responsibility in a given situation.
I believe, and have seen played out in my life, that taking more responsibility is just as detrimental as taking none at all, and can be more damaging in the long run as it causes on to live a life shackled by false grief.
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