A Thread of Truth ........part 2

There has been a great deal of debate among my acquaintances lately as to the nature/existence of God. Involved with that discussion is the argument over whether or not the Bible is admissible as evidence.


One camp claims that the Bible can be used to prove itself wrong, but cannot be used by the other side to prove the existence of God....
The other camp asserts that the Bible cannot be used to prove itself wrong, but should be allowed as evidence  for God's existence. 


I for one think that this idea is incongruous. From a scientific standpoint...scientists look for holes in a document before relying on it as incontrovertible truth. You must address all contraindications in your findings before you can declare your findings accurate.
From a legal standpoint both sides must have access to a witness, then it is  up to those hearing the argument to determine the outcome.


Regardless of the outcome of the debate, this is part of what I believe to be true about the Bible.  Much of my thoughts have nothing to do with the actual text of the document except to address its claims to be:
a) infallible, without error
b) inspired by God
c) good for teaching, reproof and correction.

In looking at cultural  historiography  it is quite apparent that typically in the past, historic moments were not recorded when they happened, as most historic moments were not recognized as such till their story was almost unrecognizable as the actual event. Most of what was recorded on a day to day basis were the deaths and births in important families and financial/legal transactions.  Therefore as far as factual information is concerned the best this text can offer is genealogies, financial and troop accounting, and laws both civil and religious.


Cultural study has shown that most peoples preserve a type of oral history , legend or myth (think Paul Bunyan) for many generations before either a) the culture acquires written language or b) someone gets the bright idea to write it down.
Thankfully I have several of the various incarnations of my dad's stories of the same fishing trip under my belt and so have first hand knowledge of how historiography works.


Culturally we all tell stories for many of the same reasons. Our foremost reason is to impart knowledge to another. Another reason is to model appropriate behavior. We tell stories to try to explain phenomena that we do not understand, and sometimes we tell stories just for the fun of it. All of the stories that we tell that are picked up and retold by the next generation become a part of our culture and ultimately a part of our history.
Most of us understand that grandpa didn't really walk 10 miles to school in six foot of snow with no shoes, uphill... both ways.... but that he's really trying to teach us to be grateful, or that he just likes to bitch.


I think that this is what the Bible actually is... a compiled cultural history... complete with fish stories and moral lessons, kernels of truth about factual events layered with the exaggerations which create mythical heroes and subsequently turns them into gods.
I also believe that if you look at the cultural record long enough you will find that nearly every author on the face of the planet believed that they were divinely inspired both to produce their work and in all of the production of their work. It is not so great a stretch then, if you believe that there is a Creator or that there could be one, to understand that any act of creation would be "divinely inspired". But that does not mean that there are no errors in those creations, not does it mean that science from that time could not be disproved at a later time as more data is collected.


Even documents containing errors are good for teaching and reproof... if for no other reason than to say "This is in error." The purpose for stories in general is to instruct while entertaining. The characters are meant to be emulated, ridiculed, reviled or pitied. They speak of human potential to both ends of the spectrum.
So, as to the Bible's claim that it is inspired by god and good for teaching? Yeah, I will give it that. Of course it never said "only the scriptures between these covers." so, one could argue that, since that was one sentence in one letter written to one man, that the larger definition of scripture applies and ALL SCRIPTURE(sacred religious texts) is inspired by god and good for teaching, or that just the letters from that man to the other...
I am personally of the opinion that Paul specifically chose a word that meant "writing" to include all writing... everything formed from the creative spark. Paul was often very vague about what could be included in a list, but excruciatingly specific about what could not.


I see no contradiction that this verse means exactly what the greek says...
"All writings are inspired by god and are profitable for all manner of teaching and instruction."

Footnotes from the boy in the dress

Who am I without my story?
this has become a pervading question in my mind recently. If I choose to rewrite my past, not to change the facts, but to use those facts as events of empowerment, how would I rewrite my story?
This is an agonizing question for me. Occasionally I see glimmers of truth and power in the events of my past, yet mostly they are hard to see and even harder to focus on.
My past has many interesting footnotes, most of which I have been afraid or ashamed of for a very long time. Ashamed that I could not be the perfect child in a legalistic system. Ashamed that I had been born a girl. Afraid  of the wrath of my parents. Afraid that I really was displeasing to God. Afraid that no one would approve of me...and ashamed that that even mattered. Fear ruled my childhood, shame ruled my young adulthood. I felt that I was never going to be allowed to discover my true self, and was afraid of what I would find if I did.


I have come to a point in my life that I cannot ignore my past any longer, it is time to embrace the things that shaped me, the things that made me the man that I am today. I no longer fear my history, but rather look back on it to inform my present and create my future.
I have come to the point where it is ok for me to admit that I am a man with a woman's body, who was raised as a girl by parents who had no clue what was going on inside my head. I can't fault them, for I never told them. Never once did I tell my mother that I felt something was wrong, so great was my shame.


Why?
Because God doesn't make mistakes, not even in my case...It never occurred to me that it might not be a mistake, but part of a plan...at least not then. Nope, I was simply stating to myself that God fucked up...and in my family, that brought shame, and fear. I was just as afraid to tell my mother what I was going through. The reprisals for "rebellion" were horrific. I knew that if they were not able to change my mind, that it would be bad.
So, out of fear and shame, I asked God to take away my unbearable desire to be a boy...when puberty hit with no answer from God, I felt that I was doubly fucked...because when puberty struck it was with all the desires of a boy... a gay boy...and by that time I "knew enough" to know that this was WRONG.
Of course I didn't know anything about homosexuality except that it was wrong. God said it was wrong. Mom and Dad said it was wrong. But I knew what attracted me and how I felt about myself...and so I prayed that God would take away those urges and desires as well...


fast forward ten years or so...


still no answer.


This has been the story of my life...fear...shame...begging to be changed...NO ANSWER.


Now, several years into the process of making myself whole, I have realized...that although I am much more than the boy in the dress, the boy in the dress has shaped the man in the mirror, and finally the man in the mirror is who the boy saw when he looked into his mind to find himself.
And so I embrace my history, wholeheartedly. I will not try to change my history to fit the person I have become, because if my history had been changed I would not be the person I am today. Nor will I let the boy in the dress, with all his emotional baggage limit my present or destroy my future.
So who am I? I am the same person that I have always been. My name has changed, as many cultures change their names, but i am the same person. 


I am Sean Walker....Artist.....Writer.... Friend....Son.


That authentic voice has just spoken... you know, the one that blurts shit out without thinking... the one that sneaks past your internal censors and shocks everyone including you.  When I wrote that answer it shocked me, because, although I have always wanted to be a writer I never actually considered myself one.

My story may be a part of me, but I am not my story.