Day Six.... the final day.....
It's been 25 years since my first "day six", but I can still close my eyes and be right there with 3000 other people in the OKC Civic Center. It was probably midnight before we went to bed the night before...now, at 8 AM it starts again. Thirteen hours of lecture...Just what my 12 year old self needed.
The next principle is the Principle of Ownership. Mr Gothard takes aim here, at what appears to be a rise in materialism in the early 60's, by defining this principle as "Understanding that everything I have has been entrusted to me by God, and wisely using it for his purposes." This is actually a pretty decent idea when applied to material goods...partially because we tend to take better care of other people's things than we do our own, but once again, Mr. Gothard seems to lay a foundation for abusive behavior when he extends this concept to include not only material items but also expectations.
We were "strongly encouraged", a phrase used to put the fear of God in the hearts of many young people, to "yield our rights" to our expectations of how others should act...this was addressed primarily in relationship to expectations laid on authority figures, although there was some discussion of the expectation of parents to children and spouses to one another. We learned that not yielding rights to our expectations produces bitterness(a stronghold which must be torn down) in our lives. We learned, but not in so many words, that those under authority had no rights and should have no expectations, but those in authority had rights and their expectations must be lived up to.
One more principle that stripped us o our humanity, our true courage, our wonder....Another weight, another expectation we must live up to, while we were afforded none. We learned that to be angry, disappointed, hurt or confused were all evidences of failing to yield some right or expectation. Even adults were expected to give up their right to make decisions for themselves to their parents, especially in the areas relating love and marriage and the raising of their children.
Of course, many of these lessons were not taught outright at the Basic Seminar... some of them you had to attend an Advanced Seminar to learn, but more of them came through the homeschool curriculum, or were implied and enforced over time inside the organization.
the reality is that while the original idea is solid it strays in the teaching. It is good to guard your belongings and even your expectations loosely because that will generate less friction. However, there are certain expectations that should be held...that should be met. The expectation of a child that their parents will love them and do anything to protect them. The expectation that justice will be served...The expectation to be treated with a measure of respect...
There is a difference between being a "steward" and a doormat, and Mr Gothard knows how to craft doormats!
By effectively removing expectations, Mr. Gothard built a generation with no personal values, no intrinsic self-worth, no innate confidence. We became parrots, peacocking values that were not our own and wearing paper armor.
So...What is the moral here?.... Honestly, Who Knows?
It's ok to view life as if you own nothing, to treat others with deference and give to those with needs...in fact, that is noble... but if you let yourself get walked on once, you will keep getting trampled until you get up off the ground and grab an expectation and resolutely say "NO MORE!"
NO MORE...will I let you treat me without respect for who I am as a person, an individual, and an adult!
NO MORE will I let you make my decisions for me as if I were two years old!
NO MORE will I kowtow to your values because they are what you believe I should believe!
NO MORE will I refuse to hold you accountable to the standard you judge me by!
NO MORE will I look the other way when the innocent are being abused!
NO MORE will I stand idly by when you mock me, degrade me and intentionally wound me!
NO MORE will I give up my right to expect you to treat me with kindness, love and respect.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Redefining the Seven Basic Principles: Suffering
Some people, by day four, have bailed.... seeing the incongruities and inconsistencies for what they are. Some, like myself, are so hungry for answers that it doesn't matter that things aren't adding up. By this time you are hearing Bill Gothard's inflectionless, metronomic voice wax eloquently in your sleep (sometimes to wake and find yourself still at the seminar). You're talking to your seatmates about how revolutionary these concepts are and wondering why you didn't find them all the times you read the Bible. You have begun to question the things you were previously taught as well as the things you have discovered on your own that don't agree with this one seminar, and you are praising God that He has lifted up such a mighty man of God to teach you these truths...and then the evenings session begins.
It occurs to me as I am writing this, that after day two I may have the order of subjects a little mixed up. I haven't attended a Basic Seminar in years, but the impressions made at that young age have been indelible.
Today we deal with the Principle of Suffering. Day in and day out people ask the same question..."Why do bad things happen to good people?" Today is the day that Mr. Gothard wraps the answer to that question into a tidy little package and with his characteristic grin and monotone delivers this message: "Suffering...is...allowing the hurts of others...to reveal..."blind spots"...in my own life...and then...seeing...how I can benefit...their lives... ... ...fully...forgiving...offenders... brings genuine joy."
Soooo, here is this teacher encouraging people to find the good in their circumstances(which in and of itself is awesome, by the way) while quietly insinuating that the circumstance is entirely their fault because they haven't fully forgiven some unnamed person in their past, for some offense, real or imagined.
What happens when a child, or adult for that matter, is in an abusive situation? When a parent,guardian or "trusted authority" is physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abusive? I personally know several people who asked Mr. Gothard this very question, not as a hypothetical, but because they were being abused. In each and every case the victim was instructed to 1)reain under that authority, 2)forgive the abuser and 3) not talk about the situation. These MINORS were not encouraged to go to the police, nor were the abusers reported to the police. The victims were instructed to serve these abusive people with a smile so that the abuser would be led to Christ...and when things didn't change positively in their lives, they were asked what THEY were bitter about or where they were out from under authority or some similar question.
Coming from an institution that molds abusers and victims faster than Sarumon can conjure a new batch of beasties, I have to think very carefully and with great detatchment to find the kernel of truth here. The language that I learned this lesson in doesn't suit, laymans terms seems to offer a more fitting translation...
SHIT HAPPENS! It happens to good people and bad, to pretty people and the ugly, to passionate people and to indifferent people as well...HOW you see the SHIT determines how you USE the SHIT... it can either be that smelly substance that gets ground into your carpet, or you can put it around your rose bushes and grow prize winning flowers...Its up to you, but you WILL deal with it one way or the other.
Yep, pretty much the only good from this principle is that you can turn a bad situation into a good one (or at least a better one) by the way that you handle it.
It occurs to me as I am writing this, that after day two I may have the order of subjects a little mixed up. I haven't attended a Basic Seminar in years, but the impressions made at that young age have been indelible.
Today we deal with the Principle of Suffering. Day in and day out people ask the same question..."Why do bad things happen to good people?" Today is the day that Mr. Gothard wraps the answer to that question into a tidy little package and with his characteristic grin and monotone delivers this message: "Suffering...is...allowing the hurts of others...to reveal..."blind spots"...in my own life...and then...seeing...how I can benefit...their lives... ... ...fully...forgiving...offenders... brings genuine joy."
Soooo, here is this teacher encouraging people to find the good in their circumstances(which in and of itself is awesome, by the way) while quietly insinuating that the circumstance is entirely their fault because they haven't fully forgiven some unnamed person in their past, for some offense, real or imagined.
What happens when a child, or adult for that matter, is in an abusive situation? When a parent,guardian or "trusted authority" is physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abusive? I personally know several people who asked Mr. Gothard this very question, not as a hypothetical, but because they were being abused. In each and every case the victim was instructed to 1)reain under that authority, 2)forgive the abuser and 3) not talk about the situation. These MINORS were not encouraged to go to the police, nor were the abusers reported to the police. The victims were instructed to serve these abusive people with a smile so that the abuser would be led to Christ...and when things didn't change positively in their lives, they were asked what THEY were bitter about or where they were out from under authority or some similar question.
Coming from an institution that molds abusers and victims faster than Sarumon can conjure a new batch of beasties, I have to think very carefully and with great detatchment to find the kernel of truth here. The language that I learned this lesson in doesn't suit, laymans terms seems to offer a more fitting translation...
SHIT HAPPENS! It happens to good people and bad, to pretty people and the ugly, to passionate people and to indifferent people as well...HOW you see the SHIT determines how you USE the SHIT... it can either be that smelly substance that gets ground into your carpet, or you can put it around your rose bushes and grow prize winning flowers...Its up to you, but you WILL deal with it one way or the other.
Yep, pretty much the only good from this principle is that you can turn a bad situation into a good one (or at least a better one) by the way that you handle it.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Redefining the Seven Basic Principles: Responsibility
Again, on paper, Bill Gothard's Principle of Responsibility sounds good. He states that it is recognizing that I am responsible to God for my thoughts, words and deeds and that I should strive to maintain a clear conscience. As stated, this appears quite noble, but there are much deeper ramifications to this "non-optional principle" that border on, if not completely cross into emotional abuse.
It is very easy to agree with this concept when you live in a society where no-one wants to be the responsible party for anything in their lives. Where passing the buck is behavior that is modeled for us from the highest levels to the lowest.
The reality was that we were taught very differently from the high-minded ideals of the Basic Seminar Textbook. We weren't taught that personal responsibility should be taken for the good as well as the bad. If we tried to take responsibility for the good results in our lives, then we were demonstrating the sin of Pride, because only God can give us good things and he ONLY did it to bring glory to himself. A good outcome was NEVER the natural result of a good decision, but the only way a bad thing could happen was for there to be some moral failure on my part, and usually that moral failure had something to do with being out from under authority.
I spent my entire youth believing(as I had been taught) that if a young man experienced lust for a young lady, then it was because she hadn't dressed appropriately, or she had moved in a provocative manner, or had looked at him with "come hither" eyes, or she was simply out from under her father's "umbrella of protection" and therefore compromised and impure. That his lust had absolutely nothing to do with the hormonal fluctuations of puberty or that he had any responsibility in the matter.
Of course, this principle, like authority, tied into all the others. If you didn't accept God's design, you needed to clear your conscience,,,If you didn't agree with a parent or other leader, the same thing. If you didn't keep your commitments...debt was taught to be an evidence of moral failure therefore if you had debt of any kind, you needed to clear your conscience. It was the same if you did the right thing at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. The Institute created a sub-culture where every thought, word, and deed was wrong if your ONLY MOTIVATIONS were not to 1)please the Lord, or 2) stay under authority.
Every motive was second guessed by all and guilt reigned supreme under the guise of maintaining a clear conscience.
I have been away from the above lifestyle for almost 20 years and am still being negatively affected by this mindset. The worry that I have done something to offend someone else is ever present, though not as pervasive as it once was. I still carry the burden of blaming myself for others actions and for "negative" circumstances. It has taken me many years to understand that I am not responsible for someone else's negative reaction. Although I can help to direct their reaction, it is ultimately their responsibility how they react to stimulus. It has also taken me many years to learn that someone will always be offended regardless of what you do/say or how you do or say it.
Although I have learned some parts of this lesson elsewhere, the Institute did instill in me a profound sense of responsibility for my own behavior. My past may have been molded by my decision making skills, but I am responsible for my motives, my words, my thoughts and my actions. both good and not so good. Life has taught me that every action brings a result and every result brings about a lesson.
It is not impossible to own triumphs without excessive pride, and owning them builds confidence and the desire to push forward. Owning your mistakes can be just as valuable and as positive as your triumphs, for each mistake tells you one more way not to reach your goals and marks one more path as a dead end. While it is important to realize the part you play in another persons choice, and determine whether you need to change your behaviour... their choices, actions and reactions are THEIR responsibility.
Because of the Institute I learned to bear responsiblity for my actions. It wasn't until I was out of the clutches of the organization (in fact, it wasn't until recently) that I saw that I was in fact taking more than my share of responsibility in a given situation.
I believe, and have seen played out in my life, that taking more responsibility is just as detrimental as taking none at all, and can be more damaging in the long run as it causes on to live a life shackled by false grief.
It is very easy to agree with this concept when you live in a society where no-one wants to be the responsible party for anything in their lives. Where passing the buck is behavior that is modeled for us from the highest levels to the lowest.
The reality was that we were taught very differently from the high-minded ideals of the Basic Seminar Textbook. We weren't taught that personal responsibility should be taken for the good as well as the bad. If we tried to take responsibility for the good results in our lives, then we were demonstrating the sin of Pride, because only God can give us good things and he ONLY did it to bring glory to himself. A good outcome was NEVER the natural result of a good decision, but the only way a bad thing could happen was for there to be some moral failure on my part, and usually that moral failure had something to do with being out from under authority.
I spent my entire youth believing(as I had been taught) that if a young man experienced lust for a young lady, then it was because she hadn't dressed appropriately, or she had moved in a provocative manner, or had looked at him with "come hither" eyes, or she was simply out from under her father's "umbrella of protection" and therefore compromised and impure. That his lust had absolutely nothing to do with the hormonal fluctuations of puberty or that he had any responsibility in the matter.
Of course, this principle, like authority, tied into all the others. If you didn't accept God's design, you needed to clear your conscience,,,If you didn't agree with a parent or other leader, the same thing. If you didn't keep your commitments...debt was taught to be an evidence of moral failure therefore if you had debt of any kind, you needed to clear your conscience. It was the same if you did the right thing at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. The Institute created a sub-culture where every thought, word, and deed was wrong if your ONLY MOTIVATIONS were not to 1)please the Lord, or 2) stay under authority.
Every motive was second guessed by all and guilt reigned supreme under the guise of maintaining a clear conscience.
I have been away from the above lifestyle for almost 20 years and am still being negatively affected by this mindset. The worry that I have done something to offend someone else is ever present, though not as pervasive as it once was. I still carry the burden of blaming myself for others actions and for "negative" circumstances. It has taken me many years to understand that I am not responsible for someone else's negative reaction. Although I can help to direct their reaction, it is ultimately their responsibility how they react to stimulus. It has also taken me many years to learn that someone will always be offended regardless of what you do/say or how you do or say it.
Although I have learned some parts of this lesson elsewhere, the Institute did instill in me a profound sense of responsibility for my own behavior. My past may have been molded by my decision making skills, but I am responsible for my motives, my words, my thoughts and my actions. both good and not so good. Life has taught me that every action brings a result and every result brings about a lesson.
It is not impossible to own triumphs without excessive pride, and owning them builds confidence and the desire to push forward. Owning your mistakes can be just as valuable and as positive as your triumphs, for each mistake tells you one more way not to reach your goals and marks one more path as a dead end. While it is important to realize the part you play in another persons choice, and determine whether you need to change your behaviour... their choices, actions and reactions are THEIR responsibility.
Because of the Institute I learned to bear responsiblity for my actions. It wasn't until I was out of the clutches of the organization (in fact, it wasn't until recently) that I saw that I was in fact taking more than my share of responsibility in a given situation.
I believe, and have seen played out in my life, that taking more responsibility is just as detrimental as taking none at all, and can be more damaging in the long run as it causes on to live a life shackled by false grief.
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